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Tales of 2 Cows
Democrat:
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- You feel guilty for being successful.
- You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
- The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
- You feel righteous.
- Barbara Streisand sings for you.
Socialist
- You have two cows.
- The government takes one and gives it to your
- neighbor.
- You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
Republican
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- So?
Communist
- You have two cows.
- The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
- You wait in line for hours to get it.
- It is expensive and sour.
Capitalism, American Style
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Democracy, American Style
- You have two cows.
- The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which
was a gift from your government.
Bureaucracy, American Style
- You have two cows.
- The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
American Corporation
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
- You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
- You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
- You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
- Your stock goes up.
French Corporation
- You have two cows.
- You go on strike because you want three cows.
- You go to lunch and drink wine.
- Life is good.
Japanese Corporation
- You have two cows.
- You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
- They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
- Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
German Corporation
- You have two cows.
- You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour.
- Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
Italian Corporation
- You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
- While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
- You break for lunch.
- Life is good.
Russian Corporation
- You have two cows.
- You count them and learn you have five cows.
- You have some more vodka.
- You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
- You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
- You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
- You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
- The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
Taliban Corporation
- You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
- You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
- At night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them.
- Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
Iraqi Corporation
- You have two cows.
- They go into hiding.
- They send radio tapes of their mooing.
Polish Corporation
- You have two bulls.
- Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
Florida Corporation
- You have a black cow and a brown cow.
- Everyone votes for the best looking one.
- Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
- Some people vote for both.
- Some people vote for neither.
- Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
- Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
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