In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS
Cuba,Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations
Start Own Clubs
Beijing - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the
"Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced
they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they
said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis
President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis
as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are
Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader
Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at
being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the
Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President
"An Axis can't have more than three countries,"
explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule,
it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in
the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake.
Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate
status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan,
and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing
Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally
Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of
Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia
formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly
Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New
Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask
Sheep to Wear Lipstick.
"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to
do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes,
although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries
Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of
filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.